"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
--Maya Angelou
I guess that's what woke me up this morning - at 1:30 a.m. and then 3 a.m. According to my FitBit, I did get some REM, Light sleep, and some Deep sleep (but only a fraction). At 3:30 a.m., I couldn't stand it anymore, so I got up, fed the dogs, made coffee, and attempted to get back to my writing - because that's what kept me awake. I have many untold stories that want to see the light of day. I agonized over which one first and the next steps. Writing is hard despite the pleasure.
Frustrated at every turn. MS Office had new updates, old software I thought I had deleted was still there and took forever to come up so I could once again delete them. Furthermore, I hadn't set up the document I had been working on correctly. It seemed like I couldn't get to first base without something kicking back at me. Persistence is the key, I told myself.
It has taken me since last Thursday to address this blog again. I had written an epistle - a very long one - but something happened. I clicked one of the Xs in the upper right hand corner of my doc and, despite the fact that I had Saved my work a number of times, the post disappeared. Competely disappeared. I think I deleted the source code for that post, so the system did what it was told and all of my words and thoughts were gone forever. Disheartened is a good word for how I felt. I put a lot into that post. I can remember most of what I wrote, but to go back and recapture the details just weighed on me too heavily. There was deep emotion steeped in nostalgia provoked by Celtic music - plaintive, wounded hearts - as Celtic music is wont to reflect. Heavy sigh...
Yesterday was productive anyway. I forced myself to stand up and move. That is a good start! I managed to rearrange some things in my main living space so I could move a little more freely. I finally set up my desk so I don't have to sit at the kitchen table to write. Now I have a place to write that makes sense.
Having at least started my writing day, I am going to try to sleep a bit more...
No comments:
Post a Comment